Thanks for clicking on the most inscrutable headline I’ve ever written. I assume if you’re here it's because you’re the type of person that reads anything with Sonic the Hedgehog in the title (same) and you have no idea what the hell I’m even talking about, so let me explain.
The International House of Pancakes, colloquially Know+n as IHOP, just launched a new menu inspired by the Blue Blur and his beloved cast of friends and frenemies. Because they know what a depraved little hog boy I am, the good folks at Sega invited me to a launch event in Los Angeles to sample the menu, play some Sonic Superstars, and meet Big Blue himself. I know, my job is sweet.
Speaking of sweets, get a load of this menu. Shadow’s Chaos Chocolate Pancakes, Sonic’s Blue Blur Special drenched in blueberry syrup, Amy’s Sweet Strawberry Delight AKA Before You Eat This Ice Cream And Chocolate-Covered Waffle Please Consult Your Doctor. Every item I tried was more rich, delicious, and dangerous than the last, and everything from the “gold” onion rings to Dr. Eggman’s Benedict is perfectly on theme. It was hard to overlook the lack of chili dogs on the menu, but as far as video game/pancake house Collabs go, this one is way past cool.
Sonic Heroes Is Reportedly Getting A Remake
Sonic Heroes is reportedly the next title in the series up for a remake, with a switch to Unreal Engine 5.I had a few ideas about how to review the menu. At first I thought about copping out and just ranking each one from one to seven Chaos Emeralds. Then I considered ranking them in order of how much they made my tummy hurt, but that quickly became TMI. So here’s the scheme: I’ve selected a Sonic the Hedgehog game that best represents each item on the Sonic the Hedgehog menu. I think it'll make sense, Maybe it won’t, but either way here we go.
Tails’ 2x2x2
Tails’ meal is a classic double egg, double stack, double bacon (or sausage) plate that you’ll find at pretty much any diner in the country. It’s appropriate enough for our little BUDdy Tails, but unfortunately it’s not helping him beat the most-boring-Sonic-character allegations today.
There’s not much to say about Tails’ 2x2x2. You get exactly what you’d expect. It’s nothing fancy or exciting, but it’s satisfying enough. You won’t be thinking about this one weeks later but you won’t regret having it either. Tails’ 2x2x2 is Sonic the Hedgehog 4. It is what it is, and if you don’t expect too much you’ll enjoy it.
Sonic’s Blue Blur Special
Are you with me now? Next up is Sonic’s main course: a double stack of pancakes topped with a double portion of blueberries, whipped cream, and blueberry syrup. The Blue Blur Special is a flavor blast that delighted my taste buds with the very first bite, but unlike its namesake, this dish just couldn’t keep the momentum.
Bite after bite all I got was a mouthful of blueberries and a longing for something, anything more complicated than this. It started so strong, but it had nothing interesting to offer after that. Sonic’ Blue Blur Special is Sonic Spinball, a game everyone loves for about ten minutes and then never plays Again.
Knuckles’ Chicken Sandwich
Now we’re getting somewhere. Knuckles’ Chicken Sandwich is a classic bacon, lettuce, tomato, and avocado sammy stacked on top of crispy chicken with cheese and buttermilk ranch. This is the real sleeper hit of the bunch. We’ve all had a gajillion chicken sandwiches, there’s nothing particular about this one that stands out, but somehow, it blows all the flashier menu items away.
This is a perfectly portioned sandwich that balances its flavors perfectly. I have no notes. Because it’s such an unassuming banger, I have to dub Knuckles’ Chicken Sandwich the Sonic Advance 2 of the IHOP menu. Maybe unambitious, but competently designed and totally enjoyable.
Dr. Eggman’s Benedict
This is a love-it-or-hate-it breakfast option. You have to be the kind of person that likes poached eggs, ham, and hollandaise sauce, and if any one of those things grosses you out you’re not going to like what Robotnik has to offer here. As divisive as this Eggs Benedict might be, I was a fan of its salty, smokey, gooey Profile. This is definitely the Sonic Lost World of breakfast foods. Many fans will defend it, while many others will be disgusted by it.
Amy’s Sweet Strawberry Delight
Most items on IHOP’s menu walk a pretty thin line between breakfast and dessert, but slapping a big scoop of vanilla icecream on top of a strawberry waffle isn’t one of them. This is the kind of treat you scarf down at Six Flags and then hurl it back up ten minutes later all over Riddler’s Revenge.
It’s sickly sweet and cloying just like its namesake and if I were ranking each item by how much it made my guts bubble, this would be number one with a bullet (sorry Amy fans). For this reason I’m going to call it the Sonic ‘06 of the menu, a game that also made my stomach hurt.
Shadow’s Chaos Chocolate Pancakes
Shadow’s plate is a four-stack of chocolate pancakes stuffed with chocolate chips and covered in whipped cream. You might be expecting me to say something glib like ‘why don’t you just eat a whole chocolate cake for breakfast instead?’, but honestly, I loved this one. It was rich but not too rich, and the earthier chocolate flavor compliment the sweet syrup way better than the fruit flavors.
Don’t get me wrong, it’s still a lot, but it’s a lot in a way I feel like I can handle if I know what I’m getting myself into. Plus, there’s nothing wrong with ending this very serious diner food review on a high note. Shadow’s Chaos Chocolate Pancakes are Sonic Adventure 2 - an exercise in unfathomable excess that comes together way better than it has any right too.
Bravo Sega, and bravo IHOP. I’ll be back for the inevitable Super Monkey Ball X White Castle crossover. Can’t wait to try out Che’Kee’s Cheesy Chicken Ring Sliders.
